HONEYMOON PERIOD

Thanks for waiting a few days again. Its hard to find the time to write at the moment and it takes me ages as I've hurt my wrist. I realise that this whole experience of writing down what happened to me in detail has helped me in preparation for my police statement on Thursday. So I am going to continue now to the next step in the story which starts with my honeymoon.

My new husband and I were not planning a big honeymoon, we could not afford it, however unbeknownst to us, our families had all given us some money toward going away and when it reached over £600 we decided if that could stretch us somewhere overseas maybe on a late deal. The Monday after our Saturday wedding, we booked to Zante, Greece. I had always wanted to see Smugglers Cove and as it was so cheap to go on a late deal we sorted it out for a week away from Thursday. I was so excited, me and J had not been abroad since we first got together and it was great we could do it without spending any more of our own money. We obviously had to sort childcare for our son and then also take him on a little trip ourselves. We decided to take him to Alton Towers on the Tues and return Weds. We had loads of fun, and I managed to forget about the stupid situation that had been going on.

On our return from Alton Towers we had a few loose ends to tie up. One was returning some cables to my work. These cables were sort by TR and used in the marquee at the wedding. I was dreading returning them but figured he may not be at work anyway. My husband and I went to go and drop them off, I think our son could have been with us. We also had brought the middle tier of our wedding cake as it was needing to be eaten and with over 200 employees in the building I figured free cake would go down well in the break room. Using my ID I went into the building and decided first to take the cake to the girls in my office and say hello. I had to walk past his room again, and with a glimpse I saw him there watching me pass by. I went down and chatted with the girls for a time, about the honeymoon coming and what we felt like the morning after etc. The cake was then taken my a colleague to the break room to be cut up. Just them he turned up down at our end of the office.

'Hey you, how are you? Recovered yet?'

I smiled as usual, we were in front of people after all.

'I'm fine, thank you and yes I think I have recovered. I've brought the cables back, but they are in the car as too heavy for me to bring in on my own and with a cake. I can get J to bring them in, if you like?'

'No no, I'll come out and get them, come on'

I said my goodbyes and kisses to the girls and left. I knew I would not be coming back in after returning to the car. As we walked, we spoke in brief. 'Where you going then?' he said.

'Greece'

'Nice, how are things?'

'Fine, I said that already'

'You're grumpy?

'I'm back here again after three days off, I hate this place.'

'Mmm me too.So J in the car then?'

'Yeah'

'Ok, I'll miss you these two weeks, it wont be the same without my best bud'

- no reply

'But I'll text you, check you are ok.'

'I don't think I'm taking my phone.'

'Oh right, well I'll text just in case'

We reached the car and J got out. Immediately TR shook his hand and said 'Great to see you mate, how are you doing? Heard you going to Greece, awesome. Take care of her, we need her back here you know!'

J laughed and threw his arm round me. 'I will' I leaned in for a kiss....in which he responded to. TR on looked, I could feel his eyes burning through the back of my head.

J pulled open the back door of the car and got out the equipment. He placed them into TR's hands and we said goodbye. TR watched us leave, smiling through the glass window screen.

When we got on our honeymoon, it was lovely. The plane ride was my first and I loved looking down on all the land below. When we arrived we had arrived in the hottest season and on the windiest day they had on record since the 70's. It made me laugh as I was blown all over the place and the heat hit me like a brick! The place was lovely and although the Self Catering Unit was a little shabby and our balcony looked over a street rather than the sea, it was perfect to us and we were grateful to be there in this beautiful place. We made love and laughed, drank and sang. Slept and Sunned and walked and explored. It was the best time ever. Our first day had not been so good, as I felt uneasy after sun session next to the pool, and as we returned to the room, I passed out and had a fit. My eyes rolled back into my head and I fell onto a table and then to the floor. J shouted for help and they rubbed cold ice cubes all over me till I came round.

J told me that I had scared him so much. He had visions of being arrested when he returned home wife-less as if he had married me and murdered me on our honeymoon. He told me the thought of telling my dad that I had died was awful let alone the thought of actually returning to our son and explaining what had happened. Of course I laughed it off but he was very shocked and treated me like a new born for the rest of the holiday!

The 'honeymoon period' lasted throughout the trip but haven been persuaded to take my phone due to the fact that our son was still in England and his grandparents may need to contact us, I new before long a text would come. It did about three days in.

'Hey u, hows the sun?x

He would always put a patronsing x at the end of each email or text. It made me sick, but it was also a calling card. If if changed his number or contacted me via the net he would always send 'Hey u' with the x. That way I always knew it was him. I ignored the plentiful texts that came in after that, I did not need reminding, in fact I had sworn after the wedding day that no matter what I would avoid him at all costs even if he was nice etc. But something he wrote one day to me took me back, he knew how to get a reaction out of me and it worked. Damn him!!! But this is what it said:

'There's a new girl at work, shes very pretty. We've been emailing  God I want to fuck her, she is so hot. Hotter than you, mind you I'm thinking that RW (my boss) is up for one too, she keeps giving me the nod.x'

I felt numb inside. I guess he was trying to provoke jealousy or something, anything to get me to reply. And I did, but it was not out of jealousy, no, I felt scared for the other girl. She might also suffer at the hands of this lunatic, I felt I must try save her in some way. So I replied asking who she was, what she looked like, her name, what department etc etc. I was nervous for the poor girl and figured if I could get this information I could warn her the day I returned or better yet email her from Greece (emails for work were kinda simple to decode once you got the name). He didn't give me much, not at all. But I new he was telling the truth as I text my friend who worked their too and she said there was a new girl in finance. Messages kept pouring in after that about what he wanted to do to her and a number of others in the office, he also went on about my boss over and over. I was from then on convinced that she was having an affair with him. She was not my line manager but my line managers boss and she was senior to us all. She did however flirt a lot with TR and would not have anyone talk badly of him despite been married herself.

I managed to keep the texts from my husband and keep up the facade that it was actually different friends messaging me so much. He was happy, why would he think I was lying?! We had a lovely honeymoon despite the nusicance texts and I did not want to return home or to work but I did my son and wanted to hug him badly. It was the longest I have ever been away from him.

When I returned back to my home, I had some answerphone messages to attend to. My father had picked us up in the early hours at the airport and his sister my aunty had been trying to contact him. When I listened to my answerphone message it was like a whole wave came over me of emotion. My aunty had said that my other aunty had been found dead at her home. The grief was immense listening to her words, wanting to tell my father. Instead I had to tell my dad and I couldn't do it. I burst into tears and asked him to listen to the message. On his hang up he rushed back to see his sister and comfort her in their time of need and J comforted me. But the grief of her death was the last straw and I broke down and decided to tell J everything, apart from who. It was two weeks after we had got married.

I remember the conversation quite well. It was a hot day, lil man was at school and we were still on our two week off holiday. I sat and cried and cried and J encouraged me to take my time. When I eventually told him, he was quite calm. He said he knew something had happened like this but chose not to think about it. In fact he said he was relieved that he finally knew as his brain had been going overtime trying to work out what had gone on, was it an affair, was it a drunken mistake or worse yet. Relieved yes but he was angry too. I could not bring myself to tell him however about the second time or who it was, I was still trying to think about whether or not I could loose my job, or whether J would then believe me or be angry with me having told J that TR was helping me. I also felt still weirdly connected to TR like because he had offered me comfort and the thought of him going to prison or knowing I had dobbed him in made me feel awful. I felt like I could not do it to him after he had been so nice to me at times. It was a very strange way to feel and I could not understand it all, that in itself was why I later had a full breakdown. I had accepted what had happened but it was my behavior toward him that confused me, I always had to protect him as he had me.

J wanted me to go to the police. I told him I was not ready and I needed time. I also told him about my job, would they fire me or what? We needed the money, even more so after spending some money on our wedding. He made a pact with me that on my return to work I would speak with my nicer boss, the one I liked and trusted and not the one that may or may not of been coercing in an affair with TR.  He figured that she would see it from an unbiased prospective and I could maybe ask questions off record as to what would happen next. At least if I told work about the harassment (it did not have to include the rape) I may be safer at work if he was fired. I told J a bogus name as to who it was, it was similar to TR but not, I suppose I hoped he would figure it out but he did not.

So on my return to work, I went about going to speak to my line manager. However, she was off on holiday when I got back and I would not see her there till another week. That's when I sort out ME, the new girl TR had gone on about. I had to check her out and see if she had experienced anything. When I visited finance I saw the girl without even knowing it was her, I knew it was. His description of her was detailed and I knew the poor young girl was in for it somehow. But on my approach and out of nowhere, TR appeared. He had seen me go up to finance and had intercepted my contact with ME. He ran over to her and said:

'Ready to go for lunch?'

She replied 'I'll be down soon, I'll meet you at reception'

I was stunned as she brazenly picked up her coat and flashed a smile at me. I began to walk back downstairs, it was obvious that he had already managed to charm her but there was something in the way she smiled at me. She looked almost like she was saying 'Ha ha, he's mine now'. I thought to myself angrily; thank god, she can have him!

On my return downstairs he collared me at the bottom. 'Love the new look, the fringe really suits you' and off he went. I went and got on but watched as I saw them dance off into the sun through the car park towards the town. I no longer felt sorry for her, she was obviously wanting this relationship. I began to avoid them both, he was not messaging me much and emails and contact had reduced so much I was relieved and starting to have second thoughts about speaking to my boss when she returned. I then fell ill, with a flu virus thing and had to be off work, again. This was when my boss returned, damn it, so it was put off another week. Whilst I was ill at home I got a message, it was from ME. TR had given her my number, she had said

'TR gave me your number, and told me you are ill.I hope you don't mind me texting to ask if you are ok?

I replied very bluntly that I was ok, resting up. In truth I was pissed off my number had been given out. I soon received a message then from TR. He told me that he was having wild sex with ME but she was really bisexual and fancied me! He wondered if I would like to have sex with them both?! Oh my god!!! I was stunned, now I had two on my case and it was scaring the shit out of me. I wondered what on earth I was going to do now? So when I returned to work and was dead set on telling my line manager, I found out she had gone off with stress. She never ever returned and I never trusted anyone else to tell. I avoided the two of them like the plague all summer at work. But things had cooled off now from TR and I was a little more settled. However the time came in September when they both disappeared from work for a couple of weeks. The gossip was at the beginning that she had been fired and he had been suspended until further notice. his got me going of course and tried to find out more from anyone and everyone including TR who had not messaged for ages. In the end all I got was that she had been going round saying they were having an affair and had done stuff whilst at work. TR had denied it and she was fired, he was suspended as they investigated, he was cleared and returned to work after a hot holiday abroad with his wife who had no idea what was going on but a prompt holiday away. This made me more fearful of my decision to tell and I decided that I may to have the same fate, I mentioned this to my husband and agreed if I was not to go to the police I had to get out of there somehow to another job. So the hunt was on for a job with more urgency than ever.

Between the September that he was suspended and Christmas with ME gone his affections returned on me. So much so I had a bike accident because the stress was getting to me and I was unable to concentrate  I became more depressed and more under his influence. He had complete control over me and I was powerless to stop it. It was like leading two lives as I told my husband that things had stopped and I was OK now. Lies, deceet and all sorts began and soon I thought the only way out of it all was to have a baby with J. I knew that if I was pregnant TR would not want me, it would stop the process completely  He would back off and probably not bother again. I became obsessed with wanting this baby and it consumed me.

THATS IT FOR THIS POST, ANOTHER LONG ONE, SORRY.

Best Wishes and Strength to all who read.

Bethany Black xx